every fool has a rainbow

It's easy enough to get caught up in things. Life gets busy, all that running on the tread mill, getting no where eventually running out of puff. Thats where I am at the moment. Out of puff.The last few years have been hectic, which is to be expected. Some how I managed to write a book, tour to promote the book, run workshops, sell organic veg, visit the USA, get divorced, fall in love and become a step father to two more children. Never a dull moment. Somewhere along the way I lost little bits of me.

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I've had a dream for a long time. To live in a simple shack, living with little, enjoying the bush. When I was a teenager, I asked my parents if my brother and I could 'do up' an old feed shed out in the paddocks to make a little home. It had three strong walls and a sturdy roof. The frame was set in concrete and the walls where clad with iron. All it needed was a veranda and a front wall. We got as far as making a veranda, and ran out of resources and drive. The shed remained a shed for the stock to camp in on cold nights, and hay to be stored for winter feed. Like the shed, my dream remains. But it is just that. A dream.

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Since I decided to live simply, I've left a steady source of income. It took me a many years to get the courage to leave my job, but finally late last year I decided that earning money was not part of what I wanted to be. Here in lies the problem. The irony is that with out a steady income I cannot afford to purchase the land to build my cabin and lifestyle. The irony is that I need money to live with nothing or very little.

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I've never been good with money, and I guess that's a reason why I don't want any money. I mean, I don't want to be rich. All I dream for is land hidden away, to grow my food, to raise a few beasts and to build my cabin. Last weekend I spoke with a lovely person that attended one of my workshops, and we talked about this very topic. She reminded me not to give up. I'm not one for giving up. But I cannot see a way for me to get land without going back to what I'm fighting so hard against.

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I planted 9 fruit trees over the last few weeks. I planted them in large wooden crates. I planted them this way because eventually I'll have to move from this rental property and I want to keep the effort I put into planting and nurturing them. The last lot of fruit trees I planted around 5 years ago are back at my old home that I handed over to my ex-wife and kids after our separation. Which I think is a good thing. The idea was to give my family the security I'd worked so hard to provide them. It just means that now at 37, I've got not much more than a few guns, rods, clothes and furniture to my name. Thats a good thing though, as I don't want anything to clog up my simple life. Other than land. Land that I can grow old with. Land that I can plant fruit trees and know that they will provide me for decades to come.

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My rainbow is bright. But there is no pot of gold at the end, no philanthropic saviour eager to hand over money to make dreams happen. There is just me with an impractical dream that has stuck with me since childhood. I guess for now, until I figure something out, I'm just going to focus on simplifying even more. To rid myself of unnecessary things in life. Focus on practical, useful and nourishing.