hard at work, living simple
Posted on February 5th, 2013
Today some friends dropped by for a cup of tea. After they left I went outside and watered the garden, as I often do when I need time alone for thought digestion. My friends are on a bit of a journey, metaphorically that is, I don’t know if they actually have existing travelling plans. They’ve been actively making changes in their life, in order to get to a point of simple living. Stressful long-hour jobs have been discarded, the house has been sold and debt has been consolidated. It’s been a predetermined process with an aim to live with less, to eliminate stress and to embrace the beauty of simplicity. They sound better, they look better but they’re still somewhat in battle mode. They, like many of us are fighting to reach that end goal. That little house on the prairie or maybe that sweet hidden cabin deep in the woods, where they feed themselves from a garden, milk a house cow, collect fresh eggs and where life is simple, ethical and possibly only improved with a hint of nude mud dancing.
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Many years ago I too was dreaming of this type of living, minus the nude mud dancing, I have my limits. Like the possibility of spending a night with Scarlett Johansson, the dream seemed so very far away for me, impossible if you must. (Scarlett if you’re reading this my number is 0432 342 555…just sayin). Many times I’d quietly sneak off to cry in frustration (a manly cry, let’s make that clear…and to confirm manly status just thought I’d let you know I wear Old Spice…just in case you were wondering….it’s very manly, musky in fact). My dream of living La buena vida seemed as far away as a Dirty Dancing sequel. I used to think I’d die before I got there. This is not a joke, I actually often thought I would die in my old life. I was after all, working 6 days a week, smoking like a chimney and drinking like a lord. When your doctor tells you you’re a walking heart attack (or stroke) when you’re in your early thirties, you tend to drop the humour. I was determined to make a change but I knew it would take a big commitment, mentally, spiritually and physically. I was determined to achieve this with out the aid of ‘Simple Living for Dummies’ or ‘Positive thinking and shit’ by the Dali Lama.
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Reading this blog one might easily make the assumption that I have achieved this utopia of simplicity, that my life is verging on dreamy and idealistic. But like Star Wars, the story isn’t true. I’m still on that journey to achieve the perfect simple life, and as I’m imperfect and human I will never actually get there, to perfect simple living that will make me super happy. I’m doing my best to get real close, just a bee’s willy away some might say. And because I write about said journey on this blog, I have my detractors. The people that are an itzy bitzy cranky trousers because I no longer slave at an office job, I have zero credit card debt and am no longer owned by a mortgage. Instead I earn bugger all doing odd jobs, I provide for my family in a non-conformist manner, I’m good friends with my ex-wife and I’m a partner and lover to my girlfriend. Apparently this is annoying to some people and for that I’m deeply sympathetic to their frustration, but allow me to continue.
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Back to my friends, that cup of tea story I started on earlier. Yes I tend to get sidetracked. In a way my friends are going through similar dealings with detractors. It might be family or friends and sometimes it’s complete unknowns that will be telling them that they’re doing it all wrong. In most cases they will be saying it behind your back, as polite people will. Many believe that you’re supposed to find love, get married, work you butt off, earn money, own stuff, out-do your neighbours and pop out perfect kids. People that believe in this are in fact, idiots. Because that approach is not suited for everyone. From my short life I’d say life is more about experiences, love, culture, memories, achieving contentedness and if you’re lucky, very lucky…finding true happiness. The latter of which is THE goal for people these days. But let’s face it, it’s a bit rubbish. You can’t be happy all the time, not even half the time, but you can be content. And I reckon that’s something worth aiming for.
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So I wish my friends all the best on their journey. I’m sure they’ll get there. To somewhere at least. And for the people that write to me and tell me they’re on a similar journey, well let me hitch a ride with you. Because at times my old truck gets a flat tyre, the engine runs out of juice or it blows a head gasket. We must remind ourselves, that we’re all brothers and sisters…if we’re in this together.
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PS. I mentioned the Old Spice/manly vibe for those people that still believe I’m a redneck sexist male who wants women to return to the kitchen. Well I don’t want that because I’m in the kitchen and it’s a very small kitchen, so if you could be so kind as to remove yourself from said metaphorical kitchen and allow me to have a sense of humour.
Ha ha ha, that’s more like it!
Great post….. like your work.
My favourite post ever. Love you. x
Scarlet is probably way to complicated for a simple life, and other certain attributes that she has, why would you anymore than what you have. I too dream and have fantasies but I know they are only that. Keep the dream, live the dream. You are far closer than most my friend.
You ever read Alain de Botton? If you haven’t I think you might enjoy his work.
This is gold, love it.
Brilliant post. Just done this exact thing with my life. Sold the flat, cleared all debt, got out of the city and the wheel going nowhere. Happy being a gypsy, working on farms, doing odd things. Not conforming anymore. So freeing.
Just as it is often easy for us to succumb to believing the grass is greener on the other side–always–I find that it is equally easy for us to think that those we admire, those who are doing what we want to do or have what we want to have, somehow are living perfect lives in euphoric splendour. It’s helpful, in a way, because it offers an ideal to strive towards–it makes the ideal seem possible. But at the same time, it’s not only detrimental to the people we dress in the ideal, whose own struggles go ignored and whose humanness is stripped of them, but it’s also detrimental to ourselves, in that we take our own struggles to be unique and a sign of imminent failure (“it was so easy for them, why is it so hard for me?”).
So I thank you, for more reasons than just this, for sharing your struggles, for reminding those of us striving for similar goals that you too are human, with successes and failures, and ideals still yet unmet. And also for reminding us that the “set path” in life is not in fact set, but wet, muddy and marred. And to let detractors be detractors, and just keep on trucking.
Well said!
Best post yet. Now on bucket list: nude mud dancing.
Absolute gold!
I think you put words on my thoughts.
Thanks a lot Rohan
hey, great post…it’s all about the contentment in what you do….no higher enlightenment or perfection…that’s quite unattainable really. Great to hear your friends are finding their place, and they have your support….someones who’s been there, done that and still on a journey…a never ending journey really this thing called life. wonderful, inspiring words. don’t let those nasties that leave ridiculous comments taint what you are creating xx
I landed here and let out a wonderful breath of relief. So tired of the advertisement riddled blogs saying exactly what their advertisers want them to say. Real thoughts, real people, real stories here…thank you! Can’t wait to read more.
Best thing you have written, Roh. I’ll be back tomorrow to comment further. I feel it. I feel what your friends are feeling. I feel what you are feeling–or rather, felt.
Having issues with the family, as well. My wife and I want to sell our house and ditch the mortgage. Luckily, we have enough equity where if we do sell it we can buy a much smaller place with cash and not have a mortgage or rent. Then everyone starts in…”you want a SMALLER place?” “but your property taxes will go up” “you have a nice view here” “it’s unamerican not to have a mortgage” (that last one was my favorite from a cousin). Eye on the prize. Don’t deviate, we say.
About time you laid it down. Just finishing the third pass on your book. Strong work there. Some things picked up from it I can use in my life, some not. But that’s on me, not you. Now back to my seed catalog.
Regardless of whether your dream is the idyllic farm, or the hidden cabin in the woods, it’s the dream that matters. And it’s possible to realize little bits of it every day. You don’t need the cabin to live simple. Re-use a glass bottle instead of buying milk in a paper carton. It’s a step, and it feels good. Instead of flying to an island for vacation, find a local B&B and hike there, or go camping. And no matter what the detractors say, you are right to act toward a life of simplicity. It is hard, and it is counter-culture. But really, most of the fun stuff is. You’re building a life that depends on you, not your credit card.
This is so great. For me it’s usually something along the lines of “always journey, never destination”. That’s not to say there are never any goals. Far from it. But that it is on the journey that I learn and stay curious, which is right where i want to be. That’s my little path.
When I see friends and family around me starting towards that ‘ideal life’, I too enjoy that there are others out there just trying to do their thing. It’s what makes this world such an interesting place.
Love it!
fabulous blog! I enjoy reading about your good days/ bad days / trials & errors, it gives me hope that i can do this too, but i particularly enjoyed the ‘manly cry’ mention today (wearing Old Spice, lol). keep up the good humor and excellent info!
Well you’re welcome to hitch a ride with us anytime. we head from Australia to Italy in three weeks and yep selling everything and living a ‘rustic’ life with our two kids. This post was brilliant and so close to what we are experiencing (does dancing naked in the rain in your 20′s count??). thanks x
ciao lisa
wow lisa! i want to know more.
good luck.
me too! You need a blog as well!!
Beautiful post Rohan. May we all find a way to a more ‘content’ life whatever that looks like for each of us.
great post. given me lots to think about.
xo
Nearing 60 years of age and my dream of a ‘better life’ is coming together. Exhausted from just the sort of life you used to have Rohan. Building my yurt on my bush block will eventuate this year. It’s never too late. And I know some people think I am crazy to sell in the city and move to my quite isolated spot and live there alone. I don’t want to be lying on my death bed thinking ‘wish I had lived that dream’! I am nearly there…..look out tiger snakes I’m not scared of you either (well, not much anyway). Love your work…
Nil bastardo carborundum
yes, best post ever…”cranky trousers” indeed…the world is full of jealous people.
I love your writing Rohan. It’s the best.
xx
Dear Rohan,
What a beautiful piece of prose from the heart of a manly man! Thank goodness you are out there sharing your love for life with others and inspiring them because we certainly need it in this day and age. And most certainly being out here after a stint in Melbourne has emphasised the joy of simplicity and silence (even though we are in the midst of starting our own business!).
My man Niel and I understand where you’re coming from. We quit our corporate jobs, lived in Taiwan, saved up money and travelled/ worked/ volunteered/ couchsurfed for four years, during which we learned it is possible to live simply and happily, and built an amazing global family who inspire us daily with their life choices. Seeing how people in other countries live, especially so called ‘poorer’ ones, is such an eye opener- one can only hope they leapfrog the lure of consumerism and capitalism, and create better systems with higher ideals, that include Nature.
Now we live in this stunning place, always in the moment, for who knows what comes next? As long as we can wake up to the birds and kangaroos at the dam, the rolling hills, long country walks, eat our homegrown vegies and some nude escapades in the eucalypts (wait, get your mind out of the gutter!), life is sweet. We definitely have our share of detractors (especially my own family!) who cannot comprehend that what we strive for and how we live our manifested dreams in every day life is a right for every human. But in the end, you have to live how your heart tells you and have complete trust that it all unfolds as it should, critics be damned.
Thank you for the continued inspiration and for the daily dose of photographic and SOUL beauty!
Much love and joy on your endeavours, you amazing people!!
Peace, love and light
Sounds bliss.
What you wrote reminded me of an interview I heard a little while back on Tripple R radio with the authour of a book called The Happiness Trap. He said that by pursuing happiness we make ourselves miserable (and set ourselves up for depression and other mental illness) because it is essentially impossible to be happy all the time. The example he gave was of a junkie, they spend their entire existence in the pursuit of happiness but have a terrible life. He went on to say that we are better off trying to live “a rich, full and meaningful life.” PS agree, Scarlett is very hot.
I’ve heard about this book. I might have to pop it on the “to read” list.
I’m tempted to reject what you wrote on grounds of semantics. Can’t happiness be construed as a “a rich, full and meaningful life”? However, I will take it in the spirit of how it was intended, I think. I don’t like the word but I think we ought to be “mindful”. Mindful of the fact that we probably won’t achieve peak happiness, whatever that might be. Mindful that life contains much suffering. Mindful that certain things are out of our control.
Try to live a “a rich, full and meaningful life”. Yeah, that sounds like good advice.
Sorry Paul, I see what you mean. After I wrote this I remembered that the author said that he believed happiness was not the same as feeling good, so we shouldn’t pursue the idea of trying to feel good all the time. However, I was unable to edit my comment.
iHad a dog once
I too had to go outside and water the garden and digest what you have said (the grape vine was looking a bit wilty after yesterday’s hot weather but I’m so grateful our tank is full of rainwater at the moment).
My husband and I “went through the change” about 5 years ago. He in fact nearly did die. At 29 with brain cancer. Shudder.
Some people think our new life is idyllic – and in lots of ways it is, others think we are mentally deficient, although as you say, they usually say it behind our backs.
But I don’t care what they think of me.
Of course, they are the -”find love, get married, work you butt off, earn money, own stuff, out-do your neighbours and pop out perfect kids” kind of people.
But I can’t think of them as idiots (well….maybe a teeny, tiny bit).
(yes, I’m on my hobby horse again!)
I just think of them as – unenlightened.
Or less sensitive souls.
Or not confident enough in their own character.
And all I can do in the face of that, is to keep doing what I am doing and show them there exists an alternative – without calling them names!!
ps – Where can I get a copy of ‘Positive thinking and shit’ by the Dali Lama – sounds like a great read!
I had heard it mentioned that there are people who say nasty things to people who have blogs. Now mine isn’t widely read or of much value to anyone bar myself, but in fact I’ve never experienced it and wondered why. Then recently I was looking for something on a photographer I’d heard mentioned, which led me to an Australian based forum where basically people trash other blogs. This thing was unbelievable. I didn’t stop reading, I know I’m a bad person for that, but it was SO horrendous like a car crash I couldn’t look away. They critiqued everything about the people they perceived to be behind these blogs. They called their children ugly. I just wondered who on earth would invest energy in verbalising those thoughts out loud? I don’t always agree with everything I read or see (not you though!) but I don’t have to agree and I don’t have to read. I find it fascinating the need some have to object.
I can appreciate the harsh realities of your situation, but I can also greatly appreciate the rewards. I have lost family of late and it finetunes perspective. There is no time to waste, you don’t get second chances, all the cliches are so for a reason, they never age and are always true. You keep on keeping on Rohan and for the record, you look very manly! but I only started reading when you separated from your wife and then initially thought you were a she, as you write with such openess and warmth. And Old Spice – seriously, delicious!
great stuff; simplicity and contentment – is there anything else we really need? For those interested in nude mud dancing get thee to the Confest – it’s an alternative living festival held over New Years and Easter. It’s run by volunteers and has been going for 26 years in Vic and now southern NSW.
Ah you’ve struck again!
It’s so important and so much more satisfying to write your own script rather than turn up and perform in someone else’s play. Just reading through these comments it confirms for me how it’s possible to build supportive communities online. There is so much good will out there Rohan. Don’t let the detractors get you down. Stick to your own script, it’s a goodie. And I wish your friends all the best in their journey too.
I reckon there is a bit of a 20th (21st) century revival in the direction you have gone (i’ve dipped my toe in it myself just haven’t jumped in stark naked). It is a ‘Movement’ as old as the hills – think Walden/Thoreau or those old Traders in the wild west US. There are logistical problems with everyone doing it though (space/land, economics, family) and i think that is where some people get their cranky pants on – they aren’t in that frame of mind. Some people can, some can’t, some will, some won’t, but your core message of ‘do some veg in your backyard/balcony and think about the way we live our life’ still stands. I think it is quite possible to have a corner window office on the 36th floor looking over Sydney Harbour and still be able to get back home and water the vege patch (in fact it would probably make you a better person – having to look after and nurture veges isn’t too far removed from looking after people . . . except you don’t pull them out of the ground and eat them after a couple of months, which is a good metaphor for the current situation in offices).
If people decide to cut ties with the current ‘acceptable’ way of living they need support and not the ‘badvibes’. If they make a mistake and figure out they can’t do it, so be it. Help em up afterwards.
I’d be interested on the demographic of people making this move (my maths degree comes out every now and again). Is it more affluent people who can ‘afford’ to sell up and move out or is it spread across all demographics. Is it high IQ only or people that are more creative, ones that have stable family relationships etc. Young or old? Originally suburban or a country background?
Excellent thoughts, elegantly delivered.
oooh i am so wanting all that and the nude mud dancing..
but i’ll roll with you.. on our journey to simplicity we homeschool, bucking a normality. My hubby and i have been without a car for 11years, with 3 kids now! everyone thinks we are mad! I’ve seen family go thru new and old cars, cringe at their servicing bills, the pink slip expense at christmas… and been quite happy and relieved that we don’t have that drain on our finances. (we live within walking distance to taxi, trains, shops & beach) we used to walk our eldest to school for 2years and mums/dads/teachers couldn’t believe we walked (and yet people wonder about obesity??!!) it was 1km distance, all pavement. i’m thinking we will need a car/truck if we ever get the cabin in the woods, i just hope the activity needed to grow our own food and work the land makes up for the activity lost walking everywhere.
My husband works from home, self employed.. whenever parents visit we get the hushed question “how is everything in the business going?”, this idea that you work for some sort of materialistic outcome? that if you are doing well you’ve got a new tv or a new car.. it’s weird to us. if we are doing well it’s bills paid, kids fed as ethically as possible on our budget.
Great piece thanks Rohan. Trying to maintain a simple life can be very complicated! Especially when you add social pressures and norms. Hearing about your and other people’s struggles is comforting and inspiring.
I think people living the city/corporate lifestyles are generally doing it for good intentions – more often than not to provide what they consider ‘the best’ for their family. I suppose you, I and most of your readers just disagree on what’s ‘best’.
Beautifully written. I am a wholehearted sympathiser. My partner and I decided long ago to choose a simple life with love, happiness and time over money and possessions.I am thankful for this decision everyday, especially now with our two daughters along for the ride. Good luck to you. Oh, and I also bought your book as an early Christmas present for myself. What can I say..it’s inspiring…so thanks xx
Oldspice is hot. So are blokes who cook.
People who are quick to pass judgement on others are usually living a stale & fearful life of their own.
It’s a beautiful day when you come to realise that material shit isn’t the root of joy and that not keeping up with the Joneses, Tom, Dick & Harry isn’t a bad thing after all. Keeping up life’s appearances, for the sake of fitting in with the aforementioned, is the death of our unique spirit.
I’m still learning to live from the heart… for me it’s a gradual process of breaking old generational habits & not allowing the fear of others stop me pursuing my dreams.
Thanks for mending my spare tyre – and refreshing my memory – sometimes it is hard to focus when winter is looming and the woodheap is shrinking.
Oh, dude, you are welcome to come and cook in my kitchen any day… that sounds like a euphamism but I do mean it literally… if you’re not too busy nude mud dancing with Scarlet Johanssen, that is.
Hello,
I’ve been following your site for a while. Like yourself, I’m after a simple life.
Many believe that you’re supposed to find love, get married, work you butt off, earn money, own stuff, out-do your neighbours and pop out perfect kids. People that believe in this are in fact, idiots. Because that approach is not suited for everyone. From my short life I’d say life is more about experiences, love, culture, memories, achieving contentedness and if you’re lucky, very lucky…finding true happiness. The latter of which is THE goal for people these days. But let’s face it, it’s a bit rubbish. You can’t be happy all the time, not even half the time, but you can be content. And I reckon that’s something worth aiming for.
This really hit home. Unfortunately due to many reasons (including having to leave my country if I want to be close to nature), I can’t get out of where I am right now and it can be very stressful living a simple life amidst the ‘noise’ around me. But anyhow, I’m learning a lot from you and hopefully someday I can start a vegetable farm of my own too. :]
ripper post.
I’m at the other end, the ‘where you started at’ bit. I have to keep thinking I am further along than I used to be but gee so far away. I would settle for zero cc debt, mortgage free, healthy and happy.
One foot in front of the other eh.
PS re the kitchen – anyone who can clean up after themselves is welcome in my kitchen – gender is no issue! Wait – not anyone who CAN, (because really, even my 3y/o-turning-4-today does it better than some adults) what I should say is anyone who DOES clean up after themselves, is welcome.
Thank you kindly. especially for the part about the “other” (mainstream/culturally accepted) way not being for everyone. Not for me, and by the number of comments, you have many kinfolk. Busyness is overrated, but hard work is good for you as you clearly model. Always a pleasure to read your words and see your pics.
p.s. if you put a picture in this post, I could “pin” it and guide even more people to your wise words.
right on brother..
Thank you for this post. We are at the very, very, very beginnings of a journey. Full of questions about what it supposed to be the ‘norm’. It is good to know there are others out there too … and best wishes for your ever continuing journey. May you be filled with contentment. Ally
I’m with you bro.
So true. Many of us are on a path to ‘living simply’ …but really, life is never simple is it? But [i]simpler[/i] would be nice. I’m getting there…
So true. Many of us are on a path to ‘living simply’ …but really, life is never simple is it? But simpler would be nice. I’m getting there…
“..just a bee’s willy away.” What a great expression! I love your writing, Rohan – a perfect balance of lighthearted and serious.
I’m not usually one to comment on blogs. But I have to say this:
Cheers. Darn fine writing and brilliant rendering.
Thanks Rohan for tweeting my post, I appreciate it.
I am so glad I found your blog. Our journeys will not all look the same, but as these commenters have shown, your philosophy is the truth. It’s all about freedom.
This post is so on key with how I’ve been feeling! So funny that I just stumbled on your blog through a photo contest – totally unrelated to the topic – and that this is from just this week. I think there’s a real sea change happening with people, and it’s so exciting to keep seeing this idea and life in action pop up. Keep on keepin’ on!
Thanks Sheila, there is a real movement,and I hope it continues as it’s all about positive change. Please come again.
Hi -
Love your blog and your writing style.
I found you via House of Humble dot com.
Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s refreshing and lovely at the same time.
–Mike
Thanks Mike, come over and visit anytime.
ahhh Rohan….what joy both my husband and I get out of reading your posts…be they a chuckle or those ones where I know your sending a big man hug out there to my farmer boy….you know you are….i sent him off bush last night….he just needed to go….(thanks for that inspiration 2 posts ago)…we made our escape from the smoke of bigness a few years back now….we live in a small country town, we raise our kids here….with 2 boys now in school and 1 little man left to discover kinder this year, oh the naggingly annoying questions about what am I going to do with myself! I’m a mum who stays home….I cook, clean, tend our supermarket garden in the back yard and support my farmer husband….I like to think of it as kickin it old style…I’m just not sure why now all of a sudden, there is this expectation that this has to change? Even comments about letting my family down financially because I’m not providing…not providing, funny that… I’m happy in my world….my patch is my life….and tend it with love I will…I’m content to watch my garden grow…
Beautiful…… “I tend our supermarket garden in the back yard”
You guys are my kind of people! I love hearing from everyone that I reckon would be a great member of my community. In fact you are!!!
loved it and still love the smell of old spice,reminds me of my late father,now he was a mans man.
This is my life and I am so peaceful content and awed by it. Email and we can chat! I have a lot of ideas to share. By the way I live in an apartment in the city which is filled with light and air and sun and a space for everything, am happily married, recovered depression sex alcohol.sugar addict, i.spend my days writing creating chatting supporting loving and sharing love. I am so pleased you have discovered another way. Peace and joy Beth
Briliant post Rohan. I like that you mention your friends are ‘still somewhat in battle mode’. Change is hard. real hard.
We’re still well and truly in battle mode – moving, letting go of stuff, living with less (and at the moment living without running water) . Its easy sometimes to loose sight of the vision at the end of the tunnel.
And to those ‘ itzy bitzy cranky trousers’ – just remember they must be miserable souls and are so not worth even momentarily paying attention to.
Great post Rohan!
Fantastic! I’m in my house, on the couch, but still I’m clapping as if you just delivered this story to an audience I’m a part of. This really lifted my spirits.